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[She's just going to pretend he isn't that close and that she can't feel him breathing because otherwise she's not actually sure what she'll do.

(The most worrying thing is the urge to kiss him, not when she knows how heartbroken Ellie would be.)

It's a relief when he moves away, even if she's also pretending a part of her isn't disappointed.]

That's 'cause you haven't seen me beat a guy senseless just 'cause he wouldn't tell me what I wanted to hear.

[Throwing facts like that at people as if they're weapons isn't a good way to cope, but she never pretended to be emotionally healthy.]

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