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controlledvariable) wrote2014-02-02 07:59 pm
controlledvariable) wrote2014-02-02 07:59 pm
exsilium; ic inbox
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text | audio | video
I know, doesn't mean I want to be.
[There's a reason she keeps throwing herself at the world with a smile and a laugh, and it's not because she thinks the world is good. It's because she refuses to let the bad stuff win.
That's not really important, though, and while Ahiru might try to pretend it doesn't bother her, Steph knows that must have hurt.]
I'm sorry, duckling.
[There's a reason she keeps throwing herself at the world with a smile and a laugh, and it's not because she thinks the world is good. It's because she refuses to let the bad stuff win.
That's not really important, though, and while Ahiru might try to pretend it doesn't bother her, Steph knows that must have hurt.]
I'm sorry, duckling.
As long as you're sure.
[She shakes her head, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face absentmindedly.]
No, it's fine. I mean, people left that place all the time just like they do here, but we were both lucky. We got to stay long enough to say goodbye to each other, so it wasn't like it was unexpected or anything. Besides, I kind of think about it like... I mean, when people leave, I try to think of it like...
[She pauses, trying to think of how to best phrase this.]
Getting to meet so many new people who I care about in both of these worlds has been a gift. And, you know, if the price of that is losing them eventually, then... Even if it hurts, that's something I'm willing to pay. Besides, it's not so much a price when you think about how most of them are much happier back home. I mean, he didn't talk about it much, but I knew how much that place was hurting him.
[All of that, somehow, is completely sincere and honest. Well, for the most part — she doesn't include the fact that he's here now. That's something that's still too close to her heart for her to share.
A shrug.]
By that point, though, I'd been there for around two and a half years, I think? So, I don't want to say I'd gotten used to people leaving, but... I guess you learn to accept it after a while. So it's alright.
[She shakes her head, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face absentmindedly.]
No, it's fine. I mean, people left that place all the time just like they do here, but we were both lucky. We got to stay long enough to say goodbye to each other, so it wasn't like it was unexpected or anything. Besides, I kind of think about it like... I mean, when people leave, I try to think of it like...
[She pauses, trying to think of how to best phrase this.]
Getting to meet so many new people who I care about in both of these worlds has been a gift. And, you know, if the price of that is losing them eventually, then... Even if it hurts, that's something I'm willing to pay. Besides, it's not so much a price when you think about how most of them are much happier back home. I mean, he didn't talk about it much, but I knew how much that place was hurting him.
[All of that, somehow, is completely sincere and honest. Well, for the most part — she doesn't include the fact that he's here now. That's something that's still too close to her heart for her to share.
A shrug.]
By that point, though, I'd been there for around two and a half years, I think? So, I don't want to say I'd gotten used to people leaving, but... I guess you learn to accept it after a while. So it's alright.
i'd rather not ignore it, and i'm definitely not laughing at you. i don't think you're shitty or worthless. i think it says a lot about you that you're willing to be the bad guy to try to make things better for other people.
but people doing something shitty doesn't make them a shitty person, it just means they're human. no one's perfect, and fucking up sometimes doesn't mean they can't be wonderful. my best friend back home could be kind of a jerk to me sometimes, but she's an amazing person. she loves people so much, she believes the best in everyone even after a lot of shit. i think she's wonderful, and there are plenty of people like her. the whole human race is like her, sometimes they can be stupid and selfish and cruel, but they can be kind, too. you just have to take the bad with the good, cause the good is worth it, and it's worth fighting for.
but people doing something shitty doesn't make them a shitty person, it just means they're human. no one's perfect, and fucking up sometimes doesn't mean they can't be wonderful. my best friend back home could be kind of a jerk to me sometimes, but she's an amazing person. she loves people so much, she believes the best in everyone even after a lot of shit. i think she's wonderful, and there are plenty of people like her. the whole human race is like her, sometimes they can be stupid and selfish and cruel, but they can be kind, too. you just have to take the bad with the good, cause the good is worth it, and it's worth fighting for.
[She doesn't have time to respond, at first, and then she just isn't sure how.
Which she still isn't, but she can't not say anything.]
something came up
are you at home?
Which she still isn't, but she can't not say anything.]
something came up
are you at home?
[When she doesn't respond immediately, he knows something's up.
Boy, he wishes that knot in his stomach would go away.]
I am now.
Boy, he wishes that knot in his stomach would go away.]
I am now.
everything's okay, baby
[because she knows he must be worried, and she knows her initial answer wouldn't have helped
even though everything isn't okay]
i'll be there soon
[because she knows he must be worried, and she knows her initial answer wouldn't have helped
even though everything isn't okay]
i'll be there soon
[People are so well-intentioned sometimes, but Saul wonders why they don't think about the things they say.
He was worried before, but now? Now he knows exactly what's up, and he's panicking. Steph wouldn't have made a point to tell him everything's okay if everything really were okay.]
It's Jesse, isn't it?
He was worried before, but now? Now he knows exactly what's up, and he's panicking. Steph wouldn't have made a point to tell him everything's okay if everything really were okay.]
It's Jesse, isn't it?
[Fuck.]
yeah. he's okay, i'll explain when i get home.
yeah. he's okay, i'll explain when i get home.
[She listens, trying to work out how much of that is true and how much is Ahiru trying to seem more okay than she is.
Steph really hopes that it's true, and that Ahiru isn't too hurt by everything that she's been through, but just in case...]
You know it's okay if you're not alright with it? This situation isn't easy, and you're allowed to be upset or angry or think it's unfair.
Steph really hopes that it's true, and that Ahiru isn't too hurt by everything that she's been through, but just in case...]
You know it's okay if you're not alright with it? This situation isn't easy, and you're allowed to be upset or angry or think it's unfair.
thanks, Blue, we'll get everything we can
[She pauses, thinking that over.]
Well, it's like... I can't change that people leave, and I don't want to change that I'll miss them. But I control how I deal with losing them and missing them, you know? I can either mope around about it or use it to try and remember how lucky I am.
Well, it's like... I can't change that people leave, and I don't want to change that I'll miss them. But I control how I deal with losing them and missing them, you know? I can either mope around about it or use it to try and remember how lucky I am.
As long as you're not trying to bury anything.
[Feelings, she means, since she worries that Ahiru tries to ignore any negative feelings.]
[Feelings, she means, since she worries that Ahiru tries to ignore any negative feelings.]
That's good.
[She pulls Ahiru into a loose hug, kissing her hair again.]
I'm used to running on a few hours sleep, I'll be fine. Are you ready to go back to sleep?
[That's what really matters; if Ahiru needs to stay up longer, Steph will stay with her.]
[She pulls Ahiru into a loose hug, kissing her hair again.]
I'm used to running on a few hours sleep, I'll be fine. Are you ready to go back to sleep?
[That's what really matters; if Ahiru needs to stay up longer, Steph will stay with her.]
I'm mostly worried about it coming back to the woman he hurt.
[Which is true; she doesn't want Jesse thinking that Sonya is using this to turn people against him.]
[Which is true; she doesn't want Jesse thinking that Sonya is using this to turn people against him.]
ok
[It's a wonder he manages that, what with the way his hands are shaking.]
[It's a wonder he manages that, what with the way his hands are shaking.]
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