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[controlledvariable]

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[5055034455]

[They really need to learn to disregard social graces. Or Saul, at least, needs to remember how to be that kind of asshole again.

He takes his coat, makes a face when he realizes how wet it is, and gives it one good shake in a direction that won't spray either of them.

...except it does.]

Sorry.

[controlledvariable]

[She looks up in surprise when she gets flicked with water, but just shrugs after a moment, fishing an elastic from her pocket so she can tie her hair up in the messiest bun ever.]

S'fine, I don't think I could get wetter if I tried.

[5055034455]

[...yeah so he's just going to concentrate on fixing himself up now, from smoothing back his hair to straightening his shirt and frowning at his shoes. Good thing this pair isn't real leather, or they'd have been ruined months ago.

Priorities.]

So — you going back to your room?

[controlledvariable]

[Being in the same space as Ellie seems like a terrible idea right now, and her apprehension about that probably shows on her face.]

Might head to the Hold and put a few hours in. I lost a lot of muscle thanks to the whole... dying thing.

[Yep. Going back to having casual conversations as if he wasn't all up in her space a few moments ago.]

[5055034455]

Probably a good idea.

[Not a good idea: attempting to go with her. She just had to remind him of what happened, didn't she? And all that anxiety is stirred right back up, and —

It takes a moment, but Saul talks himself out of it.]

Keep me in the loop, okay?

[And then it hits him, that this might be the last time he has a chance to — do anything, really, without causing Stephanie too much guilt. Because he knows, as sure as he's ever known anything, how her conversation with Ellie is going to go. And that'll be it.

So he makes absolutely no movement to indicate that he's going anywhere, just yet.]

[controlledvariable]

I'm not the one who forgets to call.

[As she wraps her arms around herself, suddenly feeling a lot more bedraggled than she did when they were actually standing in the rain.

What she should do is go back to her apartment, shower, and curl up with Ellie, but instead she's just - watching Saul, dragging her lower lip between her teeth and trying to tell herself to just go.

It's surprisingly difficult, especially when it doesn't seem like he's planning to go anywhere.]

[5055034455]

[He's waiting for her to go. Why is she not going?

And is biting her lip like that really necessary I mean come on —

Saul takes a slow breath. He'd like to point out that he didn't forget because he was dying, but that thought is so far from his head right now it might as well be on another planet.

He fixates, sometimes, which means it's hard for him to change his mind once it's made up. This is why he can't not say what he's about to say even though he knows it's stupid as all hell:] C'mere.

[controlledvariable]

[What?

She looks up at him, frowning, and nearly takes a step closer, but the actually functioning part of her brain kicks in and tells her to stay exactly where she is.]

Why?

[A little wary, a lot unsure.]

[5055034455]

Why do you think?

[Might as well be honest... by not actually answering the question.

She must know why.]

[controlledvariable]

[She knows but she was trying to pretend not to.]

I'm sure we had a conversation about this.

[She's pleading just a little, because she's not sure she can do this again.]

[5055034455]

[Might as well clue her into his logic, not that it's going to help. He leans over, propping his shoulder against the wall, and folds his arms.]

Last chance, Steph.

[controlledvariable]

[She should just - leave. Walk down the stairs and not look back and maybe Saul wouldn't talk to her for a few weeks but she could apologize, eventually, once things are settled with Ellie.

But she doesn't, because she's an idiot, she just wraps her arms around herself and looks at the ground.]

I think the last chance would've been before Ellie kissed me.

[Not that anything was even happening with Saul, then.]

[5055034455]

[He studies her for a few seconds, then nods once.

Okay.]

Okay.

[Said like: That's it, then. Like it doesn't faze him, even though it does.]

[controlledvariable]

[Fuck.

The next thing she does is stupid, though probably not actually the stupdiest thing, because she's letting herself lean back against the wall. The stupid part is that she does it a bit roughly, her head thunking dully against the wall. It's just enough to hurt without actually doing any damage, but she feels better for it, staring up at the ceiling.]

Why can't you at least consistently be a dick about this?

[because he'll push and then not and this would be easier if she could just hate him.]

[5055034455]

[Yeah, that was pretty stupid, but not as stupid as asking that question. Because now his line of thinking is — okay. She wants me to be a dick? I can do that. He can give her plenty of reasons to hate him, and since it sounds a lot to him like that's what she wants...

He'll give it to her.

So he closes the distance between them with a few quick, long steps, slides a hand into her loosely-tied hair, and kisses her.]

[controlledvariable]

[She gives up.

It feels like it's never going to stop, that they'll just keep circling each other and making really fucking stupid decisions that leave things terrible and awkward, that she's going to keep dwelling on this even when things are sorted out with Ellie.

So while she should push him away or tell him to fuck off or do any number of things, what she does do, after a moment of tension, is kiss him back. She tries to tell herself that she's not cheating, because her and Ellie haven't discussed what they are or what's expected of them. It doesn't make her feel any less guilty, won't make her feel any less guilty, but it doesn't stop her from kissing him, either.]

[5055034455]

[Saul should be used to surprises by now, but he's not, because this is not... whatever he expected. A shove, her palm coming into painful contact with his cheek, her fist, her knee, anything to tell him hey, yeah, you fucked up real good this time and now it's over.

So there goes his last fuck, fluttering right out the door. He said it himself: last chance.

His fingers curl against her head, his other hand coming to rest on her hip as he presses a little closer.]

[controlledvariable]

[This sure is up there on the list of really bad decisions she's made, but she's finding it really hard to care. It's fine, Ellie doesn't need to find out and Steph can just hate herself and get Helena to beat her up some more.

It's fine.

It's so fine that she's even finally settling her hands somewhere instead of holding them awkwardly at her sides, and nevermind if that somewhere happens to involve gripping Saul's shirt. Nevermind that she's still kissing him.]

[5055034455]

[Saul thinks kissing makes things better, right? So it's totally fine. More than fine. Or will be soon, anyway, with the way he's tilting his head to give her easier access to his mouth.

But then it seems, for a second, like he's about to pull away.

And he does, except it doesn't quite count as pulling away if he's got her lower lip trapped between his teeth, does it?]

[controlledvariable]

[That's less fine, if only because she just kind of whimpered and that's a little bit embarrassing, all things considered. It's enough to make her realize what the fuck she's doing, so she pulls back as well, as much as she can, when he's got her pinned against a wall (which isn't helping her self control at all).]

Not what I had in mind.

[When she asked that question.]

[5055034455]

It's not?

[Innocently mumbled against the skin of her neck, since that's where his mouth went as soon as he lost contact with her lips. What ever does she mean, this isn't what she had in mind? He's being a dick. A total dick. A total dick who is super concerned with... tenderly kissing her a lot...

...okay, maybe he sees her point.

But is that going to stop him? Nope.

Because he's a dick.

See?]

[controlledvariable]

Nope. [a little rushed, because the less amount of time she has her mouth open, the less likely it is that more embarrassing sounds will escape.

Still--] Kissing someone usually isn't, you know, considered dickish behaviour.

[Just in case he wasn't aware.]

[5055034455]

[But it is when the person you're kissing doesn't want it...!

He mutters something else, but God knows what it was. There's no attempt to pull away, no effort to sound intelligible at all — he's as focused right now as he'd be in a courtroom, attentive and quick and constantly moving. He kisses a light trail across her jaw and tries for her mouth again, lips barely touching hers for a few seconds before he caves and leans back in.]

[controlledvariable]

[That's really distracting; her breath hitches a little in her chest, fingers curling tighter in his shirt, and for a while she doesn't think about anything but kissing him.

Last chance, he said, so she's just - going to take that last chance, and enjoy it, and then they can be done with whatever the hell they think this is.]

[5055034455]

[He's returning a favor — she distracted him from a panic attack, he's distracting her from what he'd call impending disaster. It's a dramatic thought, sure, but Stephanie's been treating it that way, and what can he say? He's sensitive, when it comes to her. A little too tuned in.

But right now, that's not such a bad thing. It's what has him responding as carefully as he is, matching her kiss for kiss, accommodating her at every angle, fingertips now skimming just barely underneath the damp hem of her sweater only a fraction as eagerly as he'd like.]