Let's not get ahead of ourselves, god knows I'm not great at those.
[Choices. The right ones.
Maybe she's just bitter.
Maybe she knows it probably wasn't a good choice, at least with how things are panning out right now. She still hopes Saul isn't gonna do anything to endanger her, but he sure as hell hasn't made her life easier the last few weeks.]
( Something about that comment makes her suspicious. It doesn't make sense for Stephanie to be so flippant about something serious, not when she's just tried to reassure Helena that Saul can be trusted. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, it's all just undermining Stephanie assertions of just moments ago.
Her frown is audible. )
What aren't you saying?
( This isn't right. She doesn't know what it is, but something here isn't right. )
[Meanwhile, Steph's sigh is audible, though the sound of her pinching the bridge of her nose isn't.]
Nothing, sorry, I've had a shit week. [Or two weeks, or maybe the whole month, but she realizes that if she makes this seem like a big deal, Helena will probably keep pushing.] Don't worry about Saul, if you want me to say something to him I can, but if you're really worried about your ID, it's probably better if I don't actually tell him to back off.
[Because that'd just make it clear that there's something to back off of.]
( She simultaneously gets it, and wants eyeroll at the attitude.
She had no such intentions about Stephanie talking to Saul, and if Steph could see the do you think I'm stupid? look she's giving the phone-- well. Maybe it's for the best that she doesn't. Apparently they're both on edge enough as it is. )
[She's quiet for a moment, because this is... potentially dangerous territory, and she doesn't really know Helena enough to feel comfortable bringing it up, but she's going to try anyway.
So, carefully:] There are other things I could say to him to get him off the vigilante trail.
[She's looked over the conversation by now, at least the public part, and she can think of something to mention that could convince Saul that what Helena's hiding isn't about vigilantism.
She'll address that offer of help in a moment, after she's gauged how Helena will react to her own offer.]
( Her own silence is drawn out, because there's only one thing that Stephanie could be talking about. It's effective because it's the truth, that Helena struggles with her own family, who she is, the tangled mess of it. It's caused her enough problems as a vigilante, and not every school was eager to employ the last member of one of Gotham's most notorious families. )
My family?
( She's not entirely sure how to feel about this. )
( Of anyone, she knows that Stephanie Brown understands what she is better than the other Bats. She knew what it meant to be the daughter of the enemy, rather than the state. For them, it was the state that was treacherous.
Helena has to take a few moments before she can think what to do. )
Do you plan on telling him I'm one of them, or that it is the evasion of the name?
( That's important. ) Either you're looking out for one of Gotham's citizens, or keeping an eye on someone he should be careful not to piss off.
[Gently, almost, if they can have a conversation like this where Steph can be gentle. Unless Helena specifically asked, Steph wouldn't ever suggest she was one of them.]
Whatever I say to him, or whatever he might figure out, he won't tell anyone.
[She believes that, because Saul had promised to keep her own identity a secret and meant it.]
Do what's necessary. ( A beat, because Dinah doesn't worry about the blur, and she and Stephanie seem so similar sometimes. ) I don't know if I can be Huntress so publicly.
[Her first thought is to tell Helena that thanks is necessary, but sometimes that can come across as dismissive, and she doesn't want to do that.]
You're welcome, and I will.
[As for the Huntress, Steph lets out a slow breath, considering that.]
It's why I decided to keep Batgirl off the network, at first. [Well, she kept Steph off the network a fair bit, too, but she thinks Helena will understand.] Dick seems to do the opposite. I guess you've gotta work out what's gonna work best, but I can keep my distance from either Huntress or Helena, to save anyone drawing conclusions.
[Since Steph doesn't have her ID; someone from Gotham associating with another, known vigilante could lead to the same conclusions Saul drew.]
I'd rather not compromise our solidarity in the name of my identity. You've been to my house, we train together. We worked together, albeit remotely, during the bombings.
( And that solidarity is, ultimately, more important than her identity in this place. It'd be more important in Gotham and Metropolis, too, at the end of the day. It would make life more difficult, but she'd do it.
She'd failed children she meant to protect before. Too slow, too late, not pushing herself hard enough before things went wrong. Stephanie had been let down before, by every adult vigilante in Gotham. Helena's frowning as she picks over it with her mind, but ultimately, it's true. It's what matters.
Slowly: ) Our continuing to work together takes priority.
( She isn't going to go public (yet?) and not unless she has to, but being reliably there for Stephanie and Batgirl takes priority. The same way for Robin, for Blue Beetle. They're kids. She's going to look after them. )
That's-- She's not sure what to do with that, and there's something a little too pleased in the way she smiles, before it turns sheepish and she rubs at the back of her neck. She can't remember another vigilante ever saying something like that to her, that working with her is more important than secret identities (or anything, really), because most of the time she isn't more important than most things. Bruce would drop her instantly, she knows, if he thought she'd compromise his identity, and while she wouldn't blame him, it's still nice, to hear Helena say it.
But there's a tiny part of her that is embarrassed by how nice it is, when she doesn't need anyone's approval.
It's tricky to remind herself that needing and wanting things aren't the same thing.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
controlledvariable) wrote2014-02-02 07:59 pm
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[Choices. The right ones.
Maybe she's just bitter.
Maybe she knows it probably wasn't a good choice, at least with how things are panning out right now. She still hopes Saul isn't gonna do anything to endanger her, but he sure as hell hasn't made her life easier the last few weeks.]
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Her frown is audible. )
What aren't you saying?
( This isn't right. She doesn't know what it is, but something here isn't right. )
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Nothing, sorry, I've had a shit week. [Or two weeks, or maybe the whole month, but she realizes that if she makes this seem like a big deal, Helena will probably keep pushing.] Don't worry about Saul, if you want me to say something to him I can, but if you're really worried about your ID, it's probably better if I don't actually tell him to back off.
[Because that'd just make it clear that there's something to back off of.]
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( She simultaneously gets it, and wants eyeroll at the attitude.
She had no such intentions about Stephanie talking to Saul, and if Steph could see the do you think I'm stupid? look she's giving the phone-- well. Maybe it's for the best that she doesn't. Apparently they're both on edge enough as it is. )
No kidding.
( A beat, and: ) Anything I can do to help?
( With the bad week. )
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So, carefully:] There are other things I could say to him to get him off the vigilante trail.
[She's looked over the conversation by now, at least the public part, and she can think of something to mention that could convince Saul that what Helena's hiding isn't about vigilantism.
She'll address that offer of help in a moment, after she's gauged how Helena will react to her own offer.]
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My family?
( She's not entirely sure how to feel about this. )
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Not entirely, but I can drop a hint or two to make him think it's about just who you are, rather than who you might be running around as at night.
[If that made sense?
She hopes that made sense.]
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Helena has to take a few moments before she can think what to do. )
Do you plan on telling him I'm one of them, or that it is the evasion of the name?
( That's important. ) Either you're looking out for one of Gotham's citizens, or keeping an eye on someone he should be careful not to piss off.
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[Gently, almost, if they can have a conversation like this where Steph can be gentle. Unless Helena specifically asked, Steph wouldn't ever suggest she was one of them.]
Whatever I say to him, or whatever he might figure out, he won't tell anyone.
[She believes that, because Saul had promised to keep her own identity a secret and meant it.]
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( For what, she's not certain. )
Do what's necessary. ( A beat, because Dinah doesn't worry about the blur, and she and Stephanie seem so similar sometimes. ) I don't know if I can be Huntress so publicly.
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You're welcome, and I will.
[As for the Huntress, Steph lets out a slow breath, considering that.]
It's why I decided to keep Batgirl off the network, at first. [Well, she kept Steph off the network a fair bit, too, but she thinks Helena will understand.] Dick seems to do the opposite. I guess you've gotta work out what's gonna work best, but I can keep my distance from either Huntress or Helena, to save anyone drawing conclusions.
[Since Steph doesn't have her ID; someone from Gotham associating with another, known vigilante could lead to the same conclusions Saul drew.]
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( And that solidarity is, ultimately, more important than her identity in this place. It'd be more important in Gotham and Metropolis, too, at the end of the day. It would make life more difficult, but she'd do it.
She'd failed children she meant to protect before. Too slow, too late, not pushing herself hard enough before things went wrong. Stephanie had been let down before, by every adult vigilante in Gotham. Helena's frowning as she picks over it with her mind, but ultimately, it's true. It's what matters.
Slowly: ) Our continuing to work together takes priority.
( She isn't going to go public (yet?) and not unless she has to, but being reliably there for Stephanie and Batgirl takes priority. The same way for Robin, for Blue Beetle. They're kids. She's going to look after them. )
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That's-- She's not sure what to do with that, and there's something a little too pleased in the way she smiles, before it turns sheepish and she rubs at the back of her neck. She can't remember another vigilante ever saying something like that to her, that working with her is more important than secret identities (or anything, really), because most of the time she isn't more important than most things. Bruce would drop her instantly, she knows, if he thought she'd compromise his identity, and while she wouldn't blame him, it's still nice, to hear Helena say it.
But there's a tiny part of her that is embarrassed by how nice it is, when she doesn't need anyone's approval.
It's tricky to remind herself that needing and wanting things aren't the same thing.]
Thanks.
[Smooth, Brown.]
I'll try not to befriend any more nosy lawyers.
[jokes!!!!]
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Yeah, well. I'm friends with Barbara.
( They're in the same boat, here. She sounds pretty resigned to it. )
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[As if somehow this is a important rule that's been laid down.]
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( Please. ) You're always allowed to complain about that.
( If they complain about Spoiler and Huntress being crimebabies, after all. )
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[Gosh Helena it's like you don't know her at all!]
It was my mom.
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That's the spirit.
( Oh. Well. ) I won't tell her if you don't.
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Scout's honor?
[Steph neither of you are scouts.]
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( Superior, surely? At least that's something they both have. )
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Purple honor, sure.
[pls]
trying to remind myself to spell all American with Hel and Donny is weird
You have to respect the color.
at least it's not text so it doesn't matter if you mess up
[For all that she sounds a bit flippant to match the comment, she... does actually mean that.
Taking things too seriously gives them too much power.]
DOESN'T IT
( Their lives, their ideals. Helena can't stand how self-righteous Batman is, but at the same time, that power is a little intoxicating. )
NO
[BA DUM TISH]
TEARS OF JOY
u ok
never
oh
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