controlledvariable | exsilium; ic inbox

I can only imagine.

[he takes a long drink of his coffee. He has his own thoughts, both from experience and what he's heard here. Seen Jesse at numerous low points, both before he really knew the kid and after]

He's pretty good at trying to push people away.

[She starts idly sketching on one of the forms, something to keep her hands busy as she thinks and talks.

What she ends up drawing is Vanadi's mask; she misses him a lot.]

That's all he did the first few times I talked to him. Didn't really have a pleasant interaction until after Walter left, the first time.

[And even that had it's ups and downs.]

I can't say I'm surprised by that, either.

[Mike leans back in his chair, looking down into his coffee. It tasted like crap, but he was used to that. All coffee mass-produced like this was crap]

All he did was piss me off while we were on a job together - our first one. I actually ended up yelling at him, I was so mad.

[She laughs, but there's not much humour in it.]

Was he the same back then?

[She's just curious, there's no real motivation behind it.]

If you mean, was he a little shithead back then like he is now, then yeah, he is.

[oddly enough, the insult comes out more fond than it should]

But there's something different, too. Whatever happened after I left, and what happened here and wherever else he's been changed him a little.

[She meant more the latter.

She meant if he was as broken then as he is now, but she's not sure how to put that into words.

(The mask she's drawing gets the rest of Vanadi added, only his sharp-toothed smile visible beneath the mask.)]

This place tends to change people, I'm not surprised it's happened to Jesse, too.

[It's definitely happened to her.]

Do you think he's better or worse?

[oh, Mike meant that part too. It's all encompassed into that "little shithead" comment. Not that Mike will say that.

Better or worse, though . . . he doesn't know. And that bothers him, more than he thought it did]

He's got more than just me and Saul here. I'd like to think that maybe he's a little better.

Lisbeth's good for him, I think. She could help more if he didn't keep her at arm's length.

[She knows why he does it; Jesse Pinkman is a poison, dangerous to anyone who cares about him. But maybe what he needs is to find a way to stop being a poison, instead of pushing everyone away in the interest of protecting them.]

He's got a bad habit of doing that. She isn't the first who could be good for him, and he doesn't let her in.

[She wishes Tim were here, suddenly; not for the comfort of his presence, but just so she could thank him. For being good for her, for being gentle and unassuming enough that she wanted to let him in.

(With Vanadi done, she draws a little robin in flight, similar to her tattoos.)]

It's really a shame you can't smack sense into people.

[that makes Mike laugh, albeit briefly]

If only. We wouldn't be having this conversation if that worked.

I think all of life would be a little different if that worked.

[She smiles for a second, then sighs, adding a bat beside the robin.]

We need to make sure Walter doesn't have any reason to get all...

[a wave of her hand, Mike will get what she means.]

Crazy? Heisenberg? [yeah, he knows]

If the two idiots going off and doing whatever the hell they want isn't a reason, then we're damn lucky.

You think there's a way to diffuse that?

[She isn't sure if there is, but maybe Mike has something.]

Guys like him, it's usually ego, right? We just gotta find a way to appeal to that.

Oh, it's definitely ego. But I don't know how to appeal to him.

[or rather, he doesn't want to. Fuck that shit, let someone else do it]

[It was the same with her dad, but Steph never found herself in a situation where that was necessary. He hated her too much.]

I can think of a couple ways, but I'm not letting him anywhere near Skyler.

I don't think any of us are. He won't be too happy about that.

[but another thought occurs to him, and he sits up in his chair]

Do you have any bugs on him?

[He won't be, but it's not something she's willing to compromise on, not anymore.]

Not yet, I had a chance to get one on the other Walter, but I haven't been 'round this one, yet.

[At Saul's insistence. At the fact Steph's not sure she could see him and not just slit his damn throat.]

But I can get 'em on him easy enough.

[it's the first time since he's got here that he really missed all the gear he had. It would've come in handy for this]

If you get a chance, then do it. While the telepathy crap might come in handy, I want to make sure we've got everything we can on the guy. [no half-measures. He's made that mistake already - more than once. But not this time]

[Her's is better.

But luckily she's willing to share.]

I'll put it on my to-do list. Was that part of what you handled for Saul?

[Since he knew jack shit about it.]

Part of it, yeah. [his coffee's cold by now, but he takes a drink anyway] And not just for him. I had bugs on Walter and Jesse at one point or another.

[She's barely even touched hers, or the apple, despite asking for it.

Maybe she'll get Donny to warm it up for her when he comes in; that's an appropriate use of his powers.]

You got any gear up here?

[She's gonna assume no.]

[he answers as if he's assuming Steph knows - if not, well . . . oops?]

Unfortunately, I had jack-all when Walter so kindly shot me.

[Guess what?

No one thought to tell her that little fact.

Which is probably obvious by the way her eyes widen, before she winces, dragging a hand over her face.]

Shit.

[That's... eloquent.]

[oh, for fuck's sake. Mike actually looks apologetic]

You'd think they'd tell you that little detail.

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