[there was no judgment in his tone to indicate whether he thinks it's good or bad, and there's not any when he nods against her head.]
I think I'd be a pretty miserable bastard if I let other people decide who and what I am. And people hate that, you know. There's nothing that some people hate more than realizing I'm not pretending I don't give a fuck what they think.
Pretty sure Roman couldn't live my way, and I know I couldn't live his.
[She laughs, but it's mostly just a rough huff of air.]
See, I can do that during the day, but it's so different when you put those costumes on.
[She generally tries not to give a fuck what most people think of her, and it tends to work. Friends are different, of course, but she doesn't care what the general population thinks of Stephanie Brown.
But she does care what people think of Spoiler, or Robin, or Batgirl. Those symbols are important.
The problem is when the lines start getting blurry, the way they are in Exsilium.]
Cause it's not you. Like Halloween, except every day and nobody's pretending. No candy, either, probably.
[the real problem is that peter can't imagine something that would make him pick up a mask and decide that the faceless world needed him to try and save it. he's not noble like that.]
You're not exactly sporting a secret identity here.
[what he says is exactly the opposite of what he's asking, because peter doesn't give half a shit about batgirl, spoiler, or robin. he does have a shit to give for steph, though.]
[She's quiet for a long moment, because while it's all been under the surface of everything, she's never really thought about it properly before.
It's a bit of a realization.]
There isn't one. Everything I do as Steph reflects on Batgirl, everything I do as Batgirl comes back to Steph. I have to start giving a shit about what people think of me because of how it could make them see the symbol.
Batgirl is important, not just the symbol, but I need people to be able to trust me when I'm working. If I fuck up as Steph, that makes me less reliable, and it means people might not come to me if they need me.
[Which was half the point of tossing out the secret ID in the first place; so she was easy to get a hold of.]
If there was an easy fix you wouldn't have a problem. Yeah. I get it.
[and he still doesn't like it, he still doesn't think it's right. but what's the point in arguing something that can't be fixed and isn't going to change? who the hell is he to tell her that that what she's doing is right or wrong, anyway. he sighs and goes back to petting her hair.]
Gonna take a hell of a costume change to disguise those magnificent tits.
[which isn't actually the deflection it sounds like, just his incredibly crass way of pointing out that there's only so many hottie masked heroines running around on the moon.]
It's not like anyone would expect it, I mean - if I pretended to come in with the new round of Transports, and my Spoiler mask covered my whole face and my hair was hidden so I could do that again.
[She sighs, shoulder moving in a vague attempt at a shrug.]
I dunno, mostly I think I'm just worried that what I do as Batgirl might hurt my friends. S'why I had the secret ID in the first place.
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controlledvariable) wrote2014-02-02 07:59 pm
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[She's not sure if that's supposed to be a bad thing or not, it's just how it is.]
That's what being Robin was like for me.
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I think I'd be a pretty miserable bastard if I let other people decide who and what I am. And people hate that, you know. There's nothing that some people hate more than realizing I'm not pretending I don't give a fuck what they think.
Pretty sure Roman couldn't live my way, and I know I couldn't live his.
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See, I can do that during the day, but it's so different when you put those costumes on.
[She generally tries not to give a fuck what most people think of her, and it tends to work. Friends are different, of course, but she doesn't care what the general population thinks of Stephanie Brown.
But she does care what people think of Spoiler, or Robin, or Batgirl. Those symbols are important.
The problem is when the lines start getting blurry, the way they are in Exsilium.]
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[the real problem is that peter can't imagine something that would make him pick up a mask and decide that the faceless world needed him to try and save it. he's not noble like that.]
You're not exactly sporting a secret identity here.
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[Still her, they're still her actions, but no one looks at her and sees a criminal's daughter or a screw up or a poor kid who has no future.]
I know. It makes some things easier, but...
[It makes other things harder.]
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[what he says is exactly the opposite of what he's asking, because peter doesn't give half a shit about batgirl, spoiler, or robin. he does have a shit to give for steph, though.]
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It's a bit of a realization.]
There isn't one. Everything I do as Steph reflects on Batgirl, everything I do as Batgirl comes back to Steph. I have to start giving a shit about what people think of me because of how it could make them see the symbol.
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[The answer is probably "all of it"]
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All of it.
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[a sigh]
Batgirl is important, not just the symbol, but I need people to be able to trust me when I'm working. If I fuck up as Steph, that makes me less reliable, and it means people might not come to me if they need me.
[Which was half the point of tossing out the secret ID in the first place; so she was easy to get a hold of.]
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[and he still doesn't like it, he still doesn't think it's right. but what's the point in arguing something that can't be fixed and isn't going to change? who the hell is he to tell her that that what she's doing is right or wrong, anyway. he sighs and goes back to petting her hair.]
Still sucks.
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[It's a relief that he doesn't argue with her about it; she's tired of having to justify her decisions to people.]
Maybe I need a new costume.
[It's said like a joke, even though she's been considering it for different reasons.]
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Only works if nobody knows it's you, girl wonder.
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[And that sounded like she's given it a bit of thought.]
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[which isn't actually the deflection it sounds like, just his incredibly crass way of pointing out that there's only so many hottie masked heroines running around on the moon.]
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[To be fair only when she was fifteen, and before she'd been pregnant.]
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[That isn't what he meant and she knows it.]
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I'm sure that's it.
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[But really:]
It's not like anyone would expect it, I mean - if I pretended to come in with the new round of Transports, and my Spoiler mask covered my whole face and my hair was hidden so I could do that again.
[She sighs, shoulder moving in a vague attempt at a shrug.]
I dunno, mostly I think I'm just worried that what I do as Batgirl might hurt my friends. S'why I had the secret ID in the first place.