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[controlledvariable]

[It's not the best answer she could hope for, but it's not the worst either, and she figures she might be able to get him to make a compromise of don't say anything unless Bucky asks.

But it's something she can work on later, since she doesn't need to start straight away, and maybe Steve is right.

She hums, thoughtful, before having a little lightbulb moment.]

I'll feel like an asshole, but if I can catch some rats or rabbits they might not be bad test subjects. As long as they're not irradiated themselves.

[This is not as weird as it might seem; she's eaten mutant deer before.]

[enshields]

I've seen rats.

[He has a very practical approach to animal testing. Canaries were brought into coal-mines for a reason. He doesn't have to like it to understand the utility behind it, so Steph's idea gets a nod.]

Happy to help you catch one. I've got some experience in the area.

[You wanna know how many rats shacked up in brick tenements in the Great Depression? Lots. Some people ate them but Steve never had the stomach for it, he just wanted them gone.]

cw: vague suicidal thoughts

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I'm better with hare and deer, but I can figure it out.

[She's not sure how she feels about having a solution to this problem, and she goes quiet for a moment, focusing on the last of the soup in front of her.]

In Exsilium, if you died when the resurrection tech was down, you went home.

[enshields]

[The implications of those words is damn near impossible to miss, and Steve is briefly silent. Then,]

You miss Exsilium, don't you?

[controlledvariable]

[She looks down at the moon on her wrist, thinks about Peter telling her why there was purple in his.]

I miss my family.

[It isn't Exsilium as a place, it's the people that were there. She could've dealt with the loss of them if she'd been safe back in her world, but being dragged into a new hellhole makes her feel like those wounds can't close.]

[enshields]

I'm sorry.

[He's not going to tell her he knows what it's like. That he's been there. Everyone's grief is unique in their own way, and it'd sound patronizing besides. But his glance does flicker towards the floor. There are no happy endings in the world that you don't have to fight and bleed for.]

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It's done.

[There's no point in being sorry about it, that won't change anything. She made her decision and she has to live with it, regardless of Yao Corp dragging her here.]

As long as they're safe, I can live with it.

[enshields]

[Well, he can't argue with that. Knowing that the rest of the Commandos lived good lives is one of the things that keeps him going when all he wants to do is get angry at the world. He just nods.]

Soup all right? More if you need it. And I think I owe you a dramatic life story.

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I've had worse.

[There's a teasing little twist to her smile, but mostly she's grateful that he isn't pushing the subject of Exsilium and family.

She won't address his statement about there being more, because she isn't sure how.]

If it's really that dramatic we can skip it, I can just make something up. It'll be more fun.

[enshields]

[He snorts.]

You could always say I ran away and joined the circus.

[controlledvariable]

Isn't that a bit cliche?

[enshields]

[He steps forward with the pan and dumps a little extra soup in her bowl.]

Every cliché started out as someone's reality.

[But in all seriousness, though--]

I spent seventy years frozen in a block of ice. Woke up in the 21^st century.

[He says it in a tone of 'that's it, that's the sob story right there' but there's a curious lack of personal feeling to the statement. He may as well be reciting it from a phonebook.]

[controlledvariable]

[Despite the fact she makes a face at him, she's still going to eat the soup.

And also make another face at him for his 'sob story'.]

How'd you survive that one?

[enshields]

Back in '43 a scientist developed a serum to create super-soldiers. Made me a little hard to kill.

[He shrugs, and sets about washing the pan in the sink, careful to conserve water as he does.]

[controlledvariable]

[Even Steph finds that a little hard to believe, despite being from a world with crazier shit, but she doesn't see any reason for Steve to lie.]

So you're not really all that old.

[Being stuck in ice doesn't count.]

[enshields]

[Wryly, as he dries the dish--]

Not in a literal sense, I guess.

[But damned if he doesn't feel every year, some days.]

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It kinda doesn't count if you're not actually experiencing the years. Which I guess makes Superboy like five, but that's Superboy.

[he is actually five.]

[enshields]

[His smile is just the tiniest bit fixed as he comes to the table and sits down, resting one hand on the cheap laminate.]

Should've stuck with the circus, huh?

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[She tilts her head as he sits down, trying to gauge his reaction, because she doesn't know him well enough to just tell.]

I tend to prefer the truth.

[enshields]

[He cants his head off to one side.]

Guess we've got that in common.

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And we're both cute.

[It's a way to lighten the mood a little; she doesn't want him to worry that her opinion of him has changed or anything.]

Has Bucky got it too? That serum.

[enshields]

[Oops, she may as well have just run directly into a wall for all that question does. Steve's jaw shifts, a brief show of stubbornness.]

You'll have to ask him about that one.

[He's had so little privacy in his life these last few years, the last thing he wants is to compromise Bucky's. Even if he doesn't think he'd care. Stephanie already knows that neither of them are quite base-line human, but the circumstances of Bucky's exposure to the serum are intensely private.]

[controlledvariable]

[Ah, there's a sore point.]

Sorry.

[enshields]

[He shakes his head and offers a slight smile.]

Don't apologize. You don't know me.

[Or what makes him tick, or any of that. It's not her fault if she pushes the wrong buttons, and he can't expect to hold her accountable for an accident. She's a good person, and that goes a long way.]

But that's what this is for, right?

[Casual conversation. So to speak.]

[controlledvariable]

[Her smile in return is grateful, just for a moment, before it shifts into something a little cheeky.]

Sure, but for the record, I'm a lot better at first dates if they're actually dates.

[Stephanie why are you this way.]