controlledvariable | exsilium; ic inbox

I carry a pocket knife, but it isn't for people.

Ever been kidnapped and chained to a bed for two weeks?

[the most casual question, as she sips her tea]

Nope. Just tranq'ed with the intent to kill and held at gunpoint and nearly choked to death by cops. Light stuff.

[and then there was the vargulf, but whatever. wolf stuff is wolf stuff. he keeps his voice as casual as hers.]

Not a pissing contest, girl wonder. I get why you do it at home, but why here?

I didn't mean it like that.

[It was meant to be an explanation, because that wasn't even superhero stuff, it was before she really started being the Spoiler. It's why she never really feels safe.]

'Cause here's even more dangerous. Back home I knew what was there, not everything, obviously, but I knew all the big bads and all the things lurking in Gotham. Here I have no idea what - or who - the Transporter could spit out. And I don't have a secret ID anymore, I don't get to switch off.

[Not that she ever really did anyway, but there's no hiding as Stephanie like she could've done back home.]

[peter gives her a long look.]

Who knows what the Transporter's gonna spit out, sure. Who says it's gonna come after you? You keep talking about how you knew what was out there in Gotham, but it sounds to me like what was out there in Gotham knew about you, too. Believe it or not, you don't have to paint a target on your ass. You don't have to take everything on all by yourself.

[Something about that stings a little, but she's not entirely sure why, so she tries to ignore.]

I'm not painting a target on myself, but that isn't suddenly gonna make the world safe, and I'd rather not get caught off guard.

[he shakes his head and reaches out, pushes a piece of her hair behind her ear. peter knows when to give up. he's never going to understand steph's need for responsibility and control.]

Gonna give yourself grey hair and an ulcer.

[gonna give them to other people too.]

I'm gonna quit one day.

[It's an admission, and it sounds like one, especially when Steph realizes what she's said and ducks her head like that might hide it.

She tries not to think about the future too much, vigilantes have short lifespans, and she's definitely never told anyone that she'll give it up.]

Yeah?

[it's a question, but not a skeptical one. he's surprised, because she's always talked about it kind of fatalistically before, as though this is what she is and she intends to be it until it catches up with her.]

If it doesn't kill me first.

[Normally there might be a smile there, to make a joke of it, but now she just shrugs and tilts her head towards where he touched her hair, like she's belatedly leaning into it.]

But I don't think I can do this forever.

[She's not even sure if she actually could retire, or if she'd just feel too guilty, but she hopes she could.]

That's the thing, innit?

[he scratches under the right side of his chin.]

Nobody can do anything forever. Not that we get forever in the first place.