controlledvariable | exsilium; ic inbox

Tell that to the boy I dated for over a year.

[Seriously, she's pretty sure that's the only reason she has friends, because she manages to bug people into liking her.

Though she gets it, that it's different, because she knows she'd be annoyed by a guy who wouldn't take no for an answer.]

Hey. [Gently again, more serious now, as she puts a hand on his arm. She considers saying that this girl of his clearly has no taste, but she thinks Donny might not take well to that, so she'll be a bit kinder.] It's her loss.

[Because he is a good dude.]

He b-bugged you into-- into d-dating him?

( That doesn't sound okay, Steph :(

but wait, this is Steph they're talking about. ) You bugged him, huh.

( oh stephanie.

His expression spasms, almost, that might be the only word for the kind of flinched, painful twist that he tries to get it under control as quickly as possible. A shrug, and it's obvious how much he doesn't agree, how much it hurts and he feels like an idiot because of it. That Steph is being nice is appreciated, but he can't help but feel it's a lip service sentiment, in this case, scratching his stubble. )

Okay.

[She opens her mouth to correct him, before he does it himself, so she just shrugs instead, smiling a little.]

I'm very stubborn.

[And persistent, and kind of a pain in the ass, but the main concern right now is that look on Donny's face.]

I mean it. [Even if he doesn't believe her, she means it.] Oviously there was something going on there. [with a gesture at the hickeys (don't think she didn't notice), which seems to suggest that his lady was attracted to him, if nothing else.] And you're a really great guy, Donny, and I'm sorry she can't see that.

I c-can believe that.

( Seriously, Stephanie. )

She just-- it's j-just um, it's-- it m-makes her feel better. D-distracting. ( Pointing to the hickeys, like that's a good enough reason. ) Liking k-kissing me isn't, um. I m-mean that's-- that's good.

( is it? He loves kissing her, too, always wants to be kissing her, but it's getting more and more difficult to remember that it's just that, in the moment. )

It's n-not like she says I'm n-not, it's--

( This is so difficult. ) She's c-complicated. ( And he's only Donny. Max deserves so much better, could love someone better, even if she doesn't realise it. She's capable of so much love, he's sure of it. )

What?

[Both... because she's pretty sure everything he said didn't entirely make sense, with how cut off half the sentences were, but also the fact that apparently he's just, what, a distraction?]

Donny.

[She's frowning a fair bit by now.]

It sounds like she's just using you, and you deserve a hell of a lot better than that. Don't let someone do that to you.

[Not when it's clear how much he cares about this woman.]

You d-don't know her. She's-- she's b-been through a lot.

( He looks so sad and so pained and so lost. ) And some of it's m-my fault.

( His gaze drops, hands twisting into his t-shirt. ) And it'd b-be so much w-worse without her.

( Here, everything, life back home. )

That's not an excuse.

[It doesn't matter how much shit someone's bene through, or what Donny might be responsible for (and she's learning to take the things he says about that with a grain of salt), using people like that isn't okay.

This isn't a conversation she wants to have lingering near the doorway, even if it is closed, so if Donny will let her, she's going to gently curl her fingers around his wrist.]

C'mon.

[She's just going to lead him to the couch and sit him down, and wrap him up in another hug, because he looks so sad. There's more she wants to say, but it can wait for a bit.]

She n-never-- never made out like she c-cared about me more than that.

( Hoarse, quiet, as she leads him to the sofa, content to be pulled into a hug and resting his head against her shoulder. )

I knew it w-was impossible.

( He's the jerk, the naive idiot, the destructive fool )

[This is shitty, and Steph is so glad that he came to talk to her, if only because someone needs to tell him that he shouldn't be treated like this.]

It doesn't matter what she made it out to be, you don't screw around with someone if you know they love you and you don't feel the same way.

[She feels like that sort of thing should be obvious, but apparently it isn't to Donny or the girl who's been kissing him.]

It's b-better--

( Painful, dry, words being forced out when his throat can make no space for them. This is the best thig he has in his life, even if it makes him feel like the worst. )

better having this with her than n-not.

( Because there's nothing else. She's the most important thing in his life. ) It's okay.

Better doesn't mean good.

[A broken arm is better than dead, but neither option are pleasant.]

Someone using you isn't okay, no matter how much they care about you.

[It's worrying, that he stays in a situation like that, because she knows how easily it is for those situations to be abused.]

She's n-not-- you d-don't know.

( Stephanie doesn't know him, or Max, or how important Max is to him, or the things he's done for Max. )

She's not using m-me.

[Steph can admit that she doesn't know the situation, but what she's heard doesn't inspire much confidence, especially with how awkward Donny is.]

Sounds like she is. [But it's gentle, rather than an accusation.] Does she know how you feel?

N-no. Nope.

( No, she's wrong. Max doesn't. Max is the only good person in his life. At home, she's the only good thing. )

That d-doesn't matter.

Donny. [She pulls back from the hug, putting her hands on his shoulders as if that might make him actually hear what she's saying.] It matters. You matter. Don't let people treat you like you don't.

( He feels like a rag doll. )

I m-make-- I make her life w-worse. And that's nothing she's ever said, so d-don't--

( Don't suggest it. )

Then how do you know that?

[Because if she's never said it, then likely it's something Donny thinks about himself, and he seems to think a lot of things about himself that aren't true.]

She d-didn't-- didn't have Asteria before m-me. Her m-memories were p-private.

( Those both seem logical, to him, though he's not looking at Steph. )

[That's a lot, and it's complicated, but Steph really just wants to make Donny feel a little better about himself.]

Did you tell Asteria to go after her?

[She's going somewhere with this.]

( A shake of his head. )

D-don't-- don't make excuses. It doesn't stop her being hurt b-because of me.

It's not an excuse. You aren't responsible for what Asteria does, so it's not you that makes her life worse, unless you're hurting her in other ways, but from what you've told me it seems like she's the one hurting you.

[She frowns, but it's sad more than anything.]

Don't lose yourself to guilt.

[It hurts too much.]

She's-- she's the only one who m-makes me feel g-good.

( Very quiet, resting his cheek on his knee and hugging them closer to his chest. )

Don't w-worry.

( it's not guilt if he deserves it, right? )

[God, that's so alarming, but she's not even sure how to address that. She wants to tell him that he has friends here, but it feels meaningless when they both know eventually he'll have to go back to his own world.

Her frown deepens.]

Worrying's my job, and it goes double for friends.

( Friends? Is that what they are? He looks at her hopelessly, shaking his head. )

You d-don't have t-to uh, to say that.

I know I don't, but I mean it, so... [a shrug; so she's going to say it, especially since the friend part seems like something he needs to hear.]

exsilium; ic inbox

you're not a real grammarian

SHHHH

no u

NO U THE MOST

that doesn't even make sense

i am here to bamboozle you

and to break my heart

WHAT HEART

the one I keep in a box under my bed

is it bedazzeled though

yes of course

good approved

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)