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[5055034455]

Well, not the milkman...

[Saul don't swing that way, Steph.]

[controlledvariable]

Medusa, the milkwoman, anyone else I should know about?

[It's probably way too fucking soon for jokes like that, but she's never had a great sense of humour.]

[5055034455]

Do you want the whole list, or...? 'Cause I dunno how much time you have right now, so...

[controlledvariable]

Wow.

[That gets a proper laugh, though there's still something shaky about it, making it clear she really only just stopped crying.]

Let's hear it, I wanna see how creative you can get.

[And it's a good distraction from thinking about Ellie being back in her war.]

[5055034455]

Oh, jeez. Um.

[He sucks in a breath like he's gearing up to recite a very long list, but what he's really doing is trying not to crack up immediately.

She's either gonna laugh or kill him.]

Sonya. Sue — you know, the one with the force field powers? Max. The girl Max, I mean. Uh — oh. Don't tell Jesse, but Lisbeth's on the list. Pepper, whom I miss dearly. Helena, Barbara... Kagura's gone, too, but she was totally into me. Anne, future Queen of England...

[Need he go on?]

[controlledvariable]

[She keeps it together until Helena, at which point she can't hold back her laughter any longer. It being followed up by Babs really doesn't help.

Please hold, she's going to need a good minute to stop laughing so hard.]

[5055034455]

Hey, what's so funny?

[She's the absolute meanest.

Too bad Saul's laughter is giving his complete lack of real offense away.]

[controlledvariable]

I've got a better chance with most of them than you do.

[deal with it]

[5055034455]

[His sigh is so melodramatic.]

You're probably right.

[controlledvariable]

I know I'm right.

[There's another moment of laughter, before she goes quiet again.]

I've only told Jim. I don't know how to bring it up when there's so much else going on.

[She'd thought about telling Collette, but it'd seemed wrong to just text her about it.]

[5055034455]

[Yeah, he has no idea what to tell her, so he goes fishing in the air for something that might help. This is what he finds:]

I guess that depends on how many shoulders you need right now. Sure, things are chaotic, but I'm sure your friends would drop everything to... y'know, be there for you.

[controlledvariable]

[That's not a bad answer, even though she feels guilty for asking for help or shoulders to cry on.]

I don't think I'm ready to deal with it yet.

[5055034455]

Okay. That's fair. Give yourself time, then.

[controlledvariable]

Yeah.

[And then she's quiet again, not sure what else to say.

Except she does.]

Um. Is it okay if we don't-- [see each other for a while? but she can't actually say it.

Maybe he'll just understand.]

[5055034455]

[He doesn't want to understand, but he does.

He doesn't want it to hurt, either, but —

It's for the best. Right? Right.]

Yeah. It's okay.

[controlledvariable]

Thank you.

[a beat, and her voice sounds shaky again.]

And sorry, I just-- I love you, and I don't want to... make any decisions while I'm upset and all this is going on 'cause it's not fair to you or me and it's not--

[What? She takes a breath, rubbing at her eyes.]

It's not as real. [If she kisses him or lets him kiss her or does any other number of stupid things while she's such a mess, she might regret it, later, and she doesn't want that, not with Saul.] So I just need a little time.

[5055034455]

[Everything she just said hits him like — he doesn't know what, because for a moment, every thought is drowned out by the alarm bells ringing in his head. Decisions about what? What's not as real? Is she seriously...?

Panic wasn't really the anticipated response to any of this, but then again, none of this was anticipated.

He tries to pass off his silence as consideration and not the stunned worry that it is.]

Yeah, I get it. That makes sense. Don't worry about it, Steph. I love you, too, so — I'll wait.

[What's a little more waiting, now that she's not the only one who needs time?]

[controlledvariable]

[It's strange how different I love you, too feels to everything else they've said. He's already told her, but that feels like something more, the acknowledgement of how they both feel.

The way she sighs is tired; there's too much going on for her to think about this.]

Thanks.

[She said it once, but it's all she can think to say again.]

When are you planning to leave?

[5055034455]

[It's the too that gets him.

His thoughts keep circling back to what he'd wondered the other day: What is this place doing to them? Him, especially. The threat of nuclear annihilation is nothing; he died once, almost died again, has been kidnapped...

People loving him, though, romantically or otherwise? That's terrifying.]

Sometime this weekend. I'm not gonna push it 'til Monday, but I need to stick around for a while.

[controlledvariable]

Good.

[She says it without really thinking; she's just glad he's going sooner rather than later.

Nevermind that she's going to push it 'til Monday.]

Can you check on Collette for me once you're up there? I haven't told her about-- [Ellie] But she's still recovering from everything.

[So she's worried.]

[5055034455]

Of course.

[He has a lot of people to check on. Collette was already on the list.]

I'm guessing you won't be there until the last possible second?

[controlledvariable]

Probably not. [she sounds apologetic] But I'll be there, I promise. You don't have to worry about me.

[There's no plans to go do anything stupid.]

[5055034455]

Yeah, I do.

[But he says it fondly.]

[controlledvariable]

Nothing's gonna happen to me.

[Saul pls]

[5055034455]

Probably not, but I'm gonna worry anyway.