[he puts his chin on her head and sighs, but his voice is still somewhat light when he speaks.]
I'd say there's a pretty broad line between a death wish and not considering life the precious thing it is. I can kinda see it from all the way over here in actually-valuing-my-own-assville.
[Hers and everyone else's, that's why she does what she does.]
But I think what I do is more important than my own skin. If I die helping people, I'm okay with that. And hey, I'd probably be dead by now anyway, if I hadn't become a vigilante, so if anything it's lengthened my lifespan.
Yeah, nobody's ever accused me of being an altruist. Tried it once under duress, can't say I ever want to do it again. I like being alive. Where I'm from, teenaged vigilantes would just lead to a bunch of dead kids, and half of 'em would probably get downed by the cops.
[that makes him sigh and shift his chin on her head to the side of his jaw instead. there's something bitter on the tip of his tongue about how people value life, bringing the superheroes back and leaving the teen vigilantes dead. but he doesn't know the details, so he doesn't say it.]
My friend, Roman, he thinks that playing hero is how you get to ignore all the darkness, how you get people to look at you like you're special. That it's what other people believe that matters.
[there was no judgment in his tone to indicate whether he thinks it's good or bad, and there's not any when he nods against her head.]
I think I'd be a pretty miserable bastard if I let other people decide who and what I am. And people hate that, you know. There's nothing that some people hate more than realizing I'm not pretending I don't give a fuck what they think.
Pretty sure Roman couldn't live my way, and I know I couldn't live his.
[She laughs, but it's mostly just a rough huff of air.]
See, I can do that during the day, but it's so different when you put those costumes on.
[She generally tries not to give a fuck what most people think of her, and it tends to work. Friends are different, of course, but she doesn't care what the general population thinks of Stephanie Brown.
But she does care what people think of Spoiler, or Robin, or Batgirl. Those symbols are important.
The problem is when the lines start getting blurry, the way they are in Exsilium.]
Cause it's not you. Like Halloween, except every day and nobody's pretending. No candy, either, probably.
[the real problem is that peter can't imagine something that would make him pick up a mask and decide that the faceless world needed him to try and save it. he's not noble like that.]
You're not exactly sporting a secret identity here.
[what he says is exactly the opposite of what he's asking, because peter doesn't give half a shit about batgirl, spoiler, or robin. he does have a shit to give for steph, though.]
[She's quiet for a long moment, because while it's all been under the surface of everything, she's never really thought about it properly before.
It's a bit of a realization.]
There isn't one. Everything I do as Steph reflects on Batgirl, everything I do as Batgirl comes back to Steph. I have to start giving a shit about what people think of me because of how it could make them see the symbol.
Batgirl is important, not just the symbol, but I need people to be able to trust me when I'm working. If I fuck up as Steph, that makes me less reliable, and it means people might not come to me if they need me.
[Which was half the point of tossing out the secret ID in the first place; so she was easy to get a hold of.]
If there was an easy fix you wouldn't have a problem. Yeah. I get it.
[and he still doesn't like it, he still doesn't think it's right. but what's the point in arguing something that can't be fixed and isn't going to change? who the hell is he to tell her that that what she's doing is right or wrong, anyway. he sighs and goes back to petting her hair.]
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controlledvariable) wrote2014-02-02 07:59 pm
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[And god knows they don't value their lives.]
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No offense, but I'm going with no. Heroes.
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We're kind of fucked up like that, yeah.
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Luckily you have plenty of other charming attributes.
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Usually when boys say that they're just talking about my tits.
[s t e p h]
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Well, they're definitely charming too.
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[well at least she's confident about some things.
But she falls silent, and the levity is gone from her tone when she speaks again.]
I don't actually have a death wish, you know.
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I'd say there's a pretty broad line between a death wish and not considering life the precious thing it is. I can kinda see it from all the way over here in actually-valuing-my-own-assville.
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[Hers and everyone else's, that's why she does what she does.]
But I think what I do is more important than my own skin. If I die helping people, I'm okay with that. And hey, I'd probably be dead by now anyway, if I hadn't become a vigilante, so if anything it's lengthened my lifespan.
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Yeah, nobody's ever accused me of being an altruist. Tried it once under duress, can't say I ever want to do it again. I like being alive. Where I'm from, teenaged vigilantes would just lead to a bunch of dead kids, and half of 'em would probably get downed by the cops.
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It leads to a bunch of dead kids anywhere.
[She's seen the hall of statues in Titans Tower, commemorating all their dead.]
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My friend, Roman, he thinks that playing hero is how you get to ignore all the darkness, how you get people to look at you like you're special. That it's what other people believe that matters.
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[She's not sure if that's supposed to be a bad thing or not, it's just how it is.]
That's what being Robin was like for me.
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I think I'd be a pretty miserable bastard if I let other people decide who and what I am. And people hate that, you know. There's nothing that some people hate more than realizing I'm not pretending I don't give a fuck what they think.
Pretty sure Roman couldn't live my way, and I know I couldn't live his.
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See, I can do that during the day, but it's so different when you put those costumes on.
[She generally tries not to give a fuck what most people think of her, and it tends to work. Friends are different, of course, but she doesn't care what the general population thinks of Stephanie Brown.
But she does care what people think of Spoiler, or Robin, or Batgirl. Those symbols are important.
The problem is when the lines start getting blurry, the way they are in Exsilium.]
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[the real problem is that peter can't imagine something that would make him pick up a mask and decide that the faceless world needed him to try and save it. he's not noble like that.]
You're not exactly sporting a secret identity here.
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[Still her, they're still her actions, but no one looks at her and sees a criminal's daughter or a screw up or a poor kid who has no future.]
I know. It makes some things easier, but...
[It makes other things harder.]
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[what he says is exactly the opposite of what he's asking, because peter doesn't give half a shit about batgirl, spoiler, or robin. he does have a shit to give for steph, though.]
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It's a bit of a realization.]
There isn't one. Everything I do as Steph reflects on Batgirl, everything I do as Batgirl comes back to Steph. I have to start giving a shit about what people think of me because of how it could make them see the symbol.
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[The answer is probably "all of it"]
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All of it.
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[a sigh]
Batgirl is important, not just the symbol, but I need people to be able to trust me when I'm working. If I fuck up as Steph, that makes me less reliable, and it means people might not come to me if they need me.
[Which was half the point of tossing out the secret ID in the first place; so she was easy to get a hold of.]
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[and he still doesn't like it, he still doesn't think it's right. but what's the point in arguing something that can't be fixed and isn't going to change? who the hell is he to tell her that that what she's doing is right or wrong, anyway. he sighs and goes back to petting her hair.]
Still sucks.
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[It's a relief that he doesn't argue with her about it; she's tired of having to justify her decisions to people.]
Maybe I need a new costume.
[It's said like a joke, even though she's been considering it for different reasons.]
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