[The tension drops from her body like a bag of stones, and she sits, crossed legged on the carpet.
Anger has made a mess of everything, she needs to keep her calm.]
To scare her. There are two sides to Jesse, and you've only seen one of them, the kindness, but I've seen the other side, the part of Jesse that hurts people and enjoys it.
[Max was right.]
I don't feel safe around him. I don't think anyone is safe around him.
[She keeps her personal space, but sitting is a good idea, so she sits.]
I can't see it.
[Not when she's thinking about their flour fight, or the way he talked about his kid, or the way he dealt with Peace, like it came naturally to him. But bile burns in her belly. She doesn't want to think about this. Jesse isn't some sick fuck that gets off on pain.]
I can't see him even joking about that.
[Not the guy who was so uncomfortable about having a gun around her.
But maybe David was good with kids too. Ellie didn't know.]
[A hand rubs at her neck. She's listening to Steph right now, but looking like she's not paying much attention because her brain is doing double time.]
It wasn't you, was it? That person he threatened to rape.
[Her eyes flick over to Steph. Answer very carefully. It's hard to imagine that it was, given how she's seen them interact, but... well. Nothing was as it seemed lately.]
He tries to bark loud because he has no teeth to bite with. [It's said more to herself than anything. Musing. Threatened to rape. Didn't. Had a gun. Didn't kill. Threatened to kill everyone. Couldn't.
[What can Ellie even say to that? She scrubs her hands over her face. To think that a few days ago, Tess abandoning them was the worst thing going on.]
[She's still not sure if she totally believes it. Regardless...]
Jesse's nothing. Even before you guys warned me he was dangerous I sized him up. I don't have powers for him to take and [banking on child trait so she doesn't get shot] I've taken care of assholes three times his size.
[Ellie's not afraid. Just bracing herself for disappointment.]
I still don't think he was wrong to take anyone's powers. [Even with this new information.] But now he can't give them back. Either way he's probably going to get the shit beat out of him or worse.
[Maybe Steph can instantly disconnect, but Ellie can't.]
He's just less likely to get the "or worse" part as long as he keeps a hold on them.
[Ellie doesn't know these people, therefore she doesn't give a fuck.]
Maybe they'll think twice about doing shit like this in the future, then.
And maybe if there wasn't a speech on the network about how evil Jesse is ["evil" is a stupid word that Ellie doesn't think applies to anyone in the real world], he would have given them back. But now there are a lot of angry people and the only leverage he has is having those powers.
[Even Ellie knows how that works. There are probably people who wouldn't just let him walk away. Not in such a confined space as the base.]
I know, I nearly had him convinced to give them back before Sonya fucked it up.
[And she's still angry about that, even if she understands why Sonya was angry. She has every right to be, but it wasn't a smart move, tactically, even if Steph can't throw stones where that's concerned.]
But he shouldn't have done it the way he did. Tempest didn't hurt anyone with her powers, not directly, she wasn't using them dangerously and there wasn't an instant threat. He should've gone through official channels so things didn't get so fucked up.
She was at the end of her rope days ago, now she's just clutching at nothing and trying not to drown beneath all this. It feels like she hasn't slept since this all started, except for those few hours while she was still under the effect of Max's empthy, and there's a part of her that just wants that back.
Not caring was so much easier.
But that's not really an option, just like starting to cry isn't, as much as she wants to do that, too. She can't lose it in front of Ellie; if nothing else, it feels too manipulative.]
Okay.
[She drops her head into her hands, sounding defeated, because she just - can't look at Ellie. Can't think of Jesse hurting her, can't think of having to kill him for it.
[Ellie's waiting for Steph to argue, maybe even threaten to drag Joel into this, but it doesn't come. She doesn't like how Steph sounds, but Ellie's stubborn.]
He won't hurt me.
[It's not so much faith in Jesse as much as it is faith in herself. The last time anyone had her pinned, struggling, she took a machete to their face. As much as she likes Jesse, she'd like to think she wouldn't hesitate.]
I know you're worried, but I doubt Jesse is the worst person on the moon.
[And it's not that she doesn't think Ellie would be able to defend herself, but she knows that sometimes getting away isn't enough to undo it. Sonya fought Jesse off, but she's still been carrying that guilt and blaming herself for months. She still broke down in Steph's arms.
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controlledvariable) wrote2014-02-02 07:59 pm
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Anger has made a mess of everything, she needs to keep her calm.]
To scare her. There are two sides to Jesse, and you've only seen one of them, the kindness, but I've seen the other side, the part of Jesse that hurts people and enjoys it.
[Max was right.]
I don't feel safe around him. I don't think anyone is safe around him.
This is why I'm asking you to be careful.
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I can't see it.
[Not when she's thinking about their flour fight, or the way he talked about his kid, or the way he dealt with Peace, like it came naturally to him. But bile burns in her belly. She doesn't want to think about this. Jesse isn't some sick fuck that gets off on pain.]
I can't see him even joking about that.
[Not the guy who was so uncomfortable about having a gun around her.
But maybe David was good with kids too. Ellie didn't know.]
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[And there's something gentle in her tone, with that.]
I trusted him, I fell asleep in his arms, I loved him, but he did what he did, and nothing can change that.
[She sighs, pushing a hand through her hair as she tries to figure out what to say next.]
Jesse isn't well, and I want him to get better, but right now I need to prioritize the safety of the people I love. Do you understand?
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It wasn't you, was it? That person he threatened to rape.
[Her eyes flick over to Steph. Answer very carefully. It's hard to imagine that it was, given how she's seen them interact, but... well. Nothing was as it seemed lately.]
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[She should have been told months ago, but she's too tired to be angry at Saul.]
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Reminds her of school.]
Did you ask him about it?
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[It still terrified Sonya, still shook her up so badly that she lost it in Steph's arms.]
No, with the state he's in, I don't want to risk his anger getting turned towards her.
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I'm always careful.
[She'll be on her guard.]
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[It's so genuine, so grateful.
All she wants is for Ellie to be safe.]
I'm sorry to drop this all on you like this, I know it's terrible timing, but I just want to make sure you're safe.
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Jesse's nothing. Even before you guys warned me he was dangerous I sized him up. I don't have powers for him to take and [banking on child trait so she doesn't get shot] I've taken care of assholes three times his size.
[Ellie's not afraid. Just bracing herself for disappointment.]
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[Which isn't to say that Ellie is, she's just - explaining.]
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[Maybe Steph can instantly disconnect, but Ellie can't.]
He's just less likely to get the "or worse" part as long as he keeps a hold on them.
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[It's the metaphor that worked with Jesse, maybe it'll work for Ellie, too, another person who isn't from a world with powers.]
It's like what was done to me, but permanent, if he decides to make it permanent.
[She couldn't say that to Jesse, he wouldn't forgive himself.]
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Maybe they'll think twice about doing shit like this in the future, then.
And maybe if there wasn't a speech on the network about how evil Jesse is ["evil" is a stupid word that Ellie doesn't think applies to anyone in the real world], he would have given them back. But now there are a lot of angry people and the only leverage he has is having those powers.
[Even Ellie knows how that works. There are probably people who wouldn't just let him walk away. Not in such a confined space as the base.]
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[And she's still angry about that, even if she understands why Sonya was angry. She has every right to be, but it wasn't a smart move, tactically, even if Steph can't throw stones where that's concerned.]
But he shouldn't have done it the way he did. Tempest didn't hurt anyone with her powers, not directly, she wasn't using them dangerously and there wasn't an instant threat. He should've gone through official channels so things didn't get so fucked up.
[But Jesse is crazy.
So.]
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[She rolls her eyes. If only Marlene was here.]
much mutiny. very progressive
[She's so glad Saul told her what Jesse did, but she can't help the part of her that wishes she didn't know.
She's going to miss him.]
NOOOO /shoves uisbdgiudgsibsd
[Ellie's already decided she's not going to listen to Steph until she sees what's what with Jesse herself.
Then... she doesn't know.]
I'm sorry I couldn't resist
[Once people stop going for each other's throats, it may actually make them sit up and pay some fucking attention to the state of things.
Anyway, that's not the point:]
Are you gonna keep away from Jesse? I'd rather you didn't even talk to him over the network, but i figure that might be asking too much.
[Ellie's too damn stubborn.]
so doge
Probably not.
[At least she looks a little apologetic for it.]
shibe intensifies
She was at the end of her rope days ago, now she's just clutching at nothing and trying not to drown beneath all this. It feels like she hasn't slept since this all started, except for those few hours while she was still under the effect of Max's empthy, and there's a part of her that just wants that back.
Not caring was so much easier.
But that's not really an option, just like starting to cry isn't, as much as she wants to do that, too. She can't lose it in front of Ellie; if nothing else, it feels too manipulative.]
Okay.
[She drops her head into her hands, sounding defeated, because she just - can't look at Ellie. Can't think of Jesse hurting her, can't think of having to kill him for it.
She wishes she never made that fucking promise.]
laughing isn't allowed during this thread
He won't hurt me.
[It's not so much faith in Jesse as much as it is faith in herself. The last time anyone had her pinned, struggling, she took a machete to their face. As much as she likes Jesse, she'd like to think she wouldn't hesitate.]
I know you're worried, but I doubt Jesse is the worst person on the moon.
it's the only way I can get through it
She doesn't want that to happen to Ellie.]
It's different when it's a friend.
[She still hasn't looked back up.]
doge and booze. so sorrow much drink
now I'm just imagining a drunk shiba
[That's what her plan was before the latest revelation about Jesse came to light.]
But sometimes you've gotta look after yourself, first.
[It used to be easier for her before the whole vigilante gig, and while there are some cases where she just can't do it.
What Jesse did to Sonya is unforgivable.]
shiba with a hangover
lucille bluth as a shiba
yes i approve
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