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[controlledvariable]

[She's decide her favourite thing about Steve is that he seems to have managed to strike the balance between hope and realism. It's something that she struggles with, and she almost wants to ask how he manages it, but she doubts he could give a simple answer.]

If we can get out to the East that should help, there should be more food there than there is here.

[enshields]

I've heard the East is radioactive.

[He runs his tongue over his teeth and tips his head to one side.]

It didn't really bother me to be there for a few hours or to eat food from there, but unless a Geiger counter falls out of the sky I'm not sure we can judge how dangerous it is for someone who doesn't have an enhanced immune system.

[controlledvariable]

That's why we test it.

[She says the answer to the problem like it's obvious, because of course she was planning to test the potentially radioactive food.]

[enshields]

I have been.

[He gives her a Look. He knows that tone, boy does he ever.]

Bucky and I've worked out a system. Radioactive food doesn't usually kill you outright, the effects on the body are cumulative, so it's better to be careful.

[controlledvariable]

I know how radiation works. [There's something almost a little defensive in her tone.] And since you two aren't baseline, there's no point in you testing it.

[Well, there is for other super soldiers, which there aren't all that many of.]

[enshields]

[He shakes his head, lifting one hand in a gesture of apology.]

I didn't mean to imply otherwise, I'm sorry. Just thinking outloud. I won't try and dissuade you if you're determined, but be careful.

[That's coming from a place of genuine concern. He respects her enough to trust her judgement, but. He's a worrier.]

[controlledvariable]

Once we get over there I'll see what food we can get and ration it for myself for a couple of weeks.

[That should be long enough to judge if there will be any adverse effects.]

Do me a favour and don't tell Bucky?

[He'd worry too much, maybe try to stop her, and that isn't helpful.]

[enshields]

I keep as few secrets from Bucky as I can.

[It's not a yes. But it's also not a no. And it's all she's going to get out of him, because if there's one person who has experience dealing with self-destructive idiots, it's Bucky Barnes.

Steve shifts his weight from one foot to the other, socks slipping a little against the floor.]

I will say that there's bound to be other options, though.

[controlledvariable]

[It's not the best answer she could hope for, but it's not the worst either, and she figures she might be able to get him to make a compromise of don't say anything unless Bucky asks.

But it's something she can work on later, since she doesn't need to start straight away, and maybe Steve is right.

She hums, thoughtful, before having a little lightbulb moment.]

I'll feel like an asshole, but if I can catch some rats or rabbits they might not be bad test subjects. As long as they're not irradiated themselves.

[This is not as weird as it might seem; she's eaten mutant deer before.]

[enshields]

I've seen rats.

[He has a very practical approach to animal testing. Canaries were brought into coal-mines for a reason. He doesn't have to like it to understand the utility behind it, so Steph's idea gets a nod.]

Happy to help you catch one. I've got some experience in the area.

[You wanna know how many rats shacked up in brick tenements in the Great Depression? Lots. Some people ate them but Steve never had the stomach for it, he just wanted them gone.]

cw: vague suicidal thoughts

[controlledvariable]

I'm better with hare and deer, but I can figure it out.

[She's not sure how she feels about having a solution to this problem, and she goes quiet for a moment, focusing on the last of the soup in front of her.]

In Exsilium, if you died when the resurrection tech was down, you went home.

[enshields]

[The implications of those words is damn near impossible to miss, and Steve is briefly silent. Then,]

You miss Exsilium, don't you?

[controlledvariable]

[She looks down at the moon on her wrist, thinks about Peter telling her why there was purple in his.]

I miss my family.

[It isn't Exsilium as a place, it's the people that were there. She could've dealt with the loss of them if she'd been safe back in her world, but being dragged into a new hellhole makes her feel like those wounds can't close.]

[enshields]

I'm sorry.

[He's not going to tell her he knows what it's like. That he's been there. Everyone's grief is unique in their own way, and it'd sound patronizing besides. But his glance does flicker towards the floor. There are no happy endings in the world that you don't have to fight and bleed for.]

[controlledvariable]

It's done.

[There's no point in being sorry about it, that won't change anything. She made her decision and she has to live with it, regardless of Yao Corp dragging her here.]

As long as they're safe, I can live with it.

[enshields]

[Well, he can't argue with that. Knowing that the rest of the Commandos lived good lives is one of the things that keeps him going when all he wants to do is get angry at the world. He just nods.]

Soup all right? More if you need it. And I think I owe you a dramatic life story.

[controlledvariable]

I've had worse.

[There's a teasing little twist to her smile, but mostly she's grateful that he isn't pushing the subject of Exsilium and family.

She won't address his statement about there being more, because she isn't sure how.]

If it's really that dramatic we can skip it, I can just make something up. It'll be more fun.

[enshields]

[He snorts.]

You could always say I ran away and joined the circus.

[controlledvariable]

Isn't that a bit cliche?

[enshields]

[He steps forward with the pan and dumps a little extra soup in her bowl.]

Every cliché started out as someone's reality.

[But in all seriousness, though--]

I spent seventy years frozen in a block of ice. Woke up in the 21^st century.

[He says it in a tone of 'that's it, that's the sob story right there' but there's a curious lack of personal feeling to the statement. He may as well be reciting it from a phonebook.]

[controlledvariable]

[Despite the fact she makes a face at him, she's still going to eat the soup.

And also make another face at him for his 'sob story'.]

How'd you survive that one?

[enshields]

Back in '43 a scientist developed a serum to create super-soldiers. Made me a little hard to kill.

[He shrugs, and sets about washing the pan in the sink, careful to conserve water as he does.]

[controlledvariable]

[Even Steph finds that a little hard to believe, despite being from a world with crazier shit, but she doesn't see any reason for Steve to lie.]

So you're not really all that old.

[Being stuck in ice doesn't count.]

[enshields]

[Wryly, as he dries the dish--]

Not in a literal sense, I guess.

[But damned if he doesn't feel every year, some days.]

[controlledvariable]

It kinda doesn't count if you're not actually experiencing the years. Which I guess makes Superboy like five, but that's Superboy.

[he is actually five.]