[She takes a second to get dressed, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.
She hasn't really slept recently, so takes a detour to the bathrooms to splash her face, trying to waking herself up, and then she appears at the entrance to the cafeteria, walking in and looking for Ellie.]
[Ellie hasn't been getting much sleep either, but that's nothing new. Instead of nightmares keeping her up, she stays up to listen to Joel's breathing, hoping that he finds some rest. It's easier to just focus entirely on him.
As it is, she's got her elbows on the table and one giant pancake sitting on a plate. Ellie doesn't have the patience to make individual, smaller pancakes, so it seems like she just made one thick, pan-sized pancake. It's a bit crispy on the edges, but she thinks it's cooked well enough to eat.]
[When she sees that pancake, she can't help but smile. It feels too fragile, like her face might crack with it, when it seems like it's been so long since she smiled.
She sits down right next to Ellie, and doesn't pause before wrapping her arms around her, pressing her lips to Ellie's hair.]
[Just because Ellie mooches food off people at almost any opportunity doesn't mean she can't cook for herself. She'd just rather not. Stuff made by other people always tastes better.]
How are you doing?
[She leans into the hug and kiss, but she's been feeling sluggish ever since Tess was sent away. There's a weight to her movements. It's easier to bark on the network than it is to take a walk around the base nowadays.]
[She doesn't mind. When it comes to emotions and feelings and stuff, all Ellie can really do is listen--and listening gives her things to focus on that aren't herself.]
[She sighs, resting her cheek against Ellie's hair, the pancake going ignored for the moment.]
Everything that could go wrong has go wrong, and I don't think most of it can be fixed. [a beat, and even more quietly:] Can I ask you to do something for me?
[She'd like to see someone who IS okay after all this shit. But Ellie scoots over, as close as she can without being on Steph's lap. There's no one in prison she cares about except for Jesse, and that better be something that can be fixed.]
[Not after seeing him in that room, not after what Saul told her.]
He's dangerous, he's hurt people who don't deserve it - I'm not talking about the mutineers - and I love him, but I don't trust him, not anymore. I know you can handle yourself, and I'm not gonna make you do anything, but I'm asking you to be careful, to take care of yourself.
No, I'm not buying into what's been said on the network, I'm capable of forming my own opinions.
[She can't tell him about Sonya, that isn't her information to share, but:]
I went to see him when he was first locked up, and he wasn't okay, Ellie. He could barely tell an enemy from a friend, he thought everyone was against him, and I honestly believe that if he'd been released, he would have killed someone. I don't want you to get caught up in any of this.
I wouldn't be okay if I were locked up, either. [Been there, done that, killed for it, too.] He was trying to do what he thought was right. He was a lot nicer than I would have been. He knows he's fucked up, but that doesn't mean... what? We lock him up like some sick animal? That is fucked up.
He's a sucker for kids. [It's easy to tell. She heard him talk about Brock, saw him with Stan and Peace, knew he tried to keep bad shit away from her.] If he was as psycho as everyone seems to wanna believe, I'm pretty sure he could have shot me earlier. But he didn't. He hid the fucking gun, remember?
Besides, I doubt they'd let me see him while he's locked up. Since I'm a kid.
[She's assuming Steph's warning is just for now. And that maybe Jesse will only be locked up just for now.]
[She's quiet in the face of Ellie's words, but it's a calmness born of sheer exhaustion for this fight. She doesn't want to have to tell Ellie that someone they care about is dangerous.]
I'm talking about forever, Ellie. I want you to stay away from Jesse as long as he's here.
[Not as long as Ellie is here; she doesn't want to think about Ellie going back to her own world.
She pulls away and turns to face Ellie, meeting her gaze.]
The Jesse you know isn't the same man that's locked up in there right now, and I don't know if he's ever coming back. And this isn't about whether it's right to lock him up, that's not for us to decide. He'll be evaluated by a psychologist soon, and a decision will be made to protect both him, and the rest of the Transport population.
What I'm asking you is that regardless of what happens, you keep your distance.
[Ellie's jaw actually drops as she stares at Steph.]
This is bullshit! What the fuck is he going to do to me?
[He certainly sounded like the same guy she knows. Maybe a little scared, but who could blame him? He still looked out for her. Asked her to fly under the radar. Things she could agree with.]
I think he did the right thing, taking powers from those assholes. If someone can't be trusted with a loaded gun, they shouldn't have it. He didn't want to kill them. You know what? I would have.
[This is so fucking absurd to her. Ellie shoves her chair back to stand.]
Joel's pretty fucked up too, Steph. I think he'd agree with what Jesse did. [Maybe, maybe. Maybe she shouldn't bring him up in this conversation, but she can't help it when she's so mad.] Should I stay away from him? Maybe just never leave my goddamn room? Huh?
[And with a hand on Ellie's arm, they're out of the cafeteria and in the VR room. She moves to the control panel and quickly calls up the one familiar place she keeps coming back to: her home.
It's a little shabby, a little old, but clean and - it's a home, in a way that a lot of places aren't.]
I'm telling you this in confidence, Ellie, because I want you to understand where I'm coming from. [She moves close again, but crouches down so she's not looming too much.] This isn't about Jesse taking someone's powers, it's about the things that Jesse is capable of. When I went in there, he was talking about getting out and killing everyone, about exacting his revenge. Jesse is insane, he's unstable and he doesn't have a very strong grip on reality. Joel is none of those things.
[She can say that much with confidence; Joel might be fucked up, but he's a good man.]
When Jesse's like this, he'll do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and I know most of the time he's good to you, but I don't know if that would stay the same when he's like this, and I don't want to risk it.
[A breath, shaky, and she leans back, pushing a hand through her hair.]
Get your hand--[Oh, right. That. Unfair, but whatever. Ellie was going to just tell Steph to fuck off and storm back to her room, but if she wants to keep this going, then fine.
Ellie jerks her arm away from Steph and keeps her distance. That's not happening again. Their setting only gets a brief glance before she's crossing her arms over her chest, looking exactly like the stubborn teenager she is.]
Anyone is capable of almost anything. Give Joel good reason, and he'd do it, too. So would I. I don't think that's a good measure of sanity. Neither is talk. I could talk about killing people, doesn't mean I'm crazy. It would mean I'm pissed.
[Ellie drops her arms to pace, fingers pressing into her eyes.]
Fuck, you're supposed to be his friend! Even I see how messed up it is that one of the few people trying to stick up for him is a fourteen year old girl that's known him for--what, four months? Do you honestly think this shit is going to help him? Christ.
[Not that Ellie thinks she herself is capable of helping any, but she's not going to be afraid of Jesse.]
[Steph's generally a pretty animated person; she moves a lot, she talks with her hands and bounces on her feet and generally just doesn't sit still.
Right now she's the opposite of that.
It's a sharp sort of stillness, tension in the lines of her shoulders and the way he's pressing her fingers into her thigh, trying to keep herself calm. She won't - can't - snap at Ellie, no matter how frustrated she is, no matter how much Ellie yells at her.
This isn't working, she should have just been honest from the beginning. She can do this without bringing Sonya into it. She hates that she'll have to talk about this with Ellie, but at the same time she knows Ellie isn't a little kid, hasn't been immune from this shit.]
Would Joel threaten to rape a woman?
[Her voice is flat, almost hollow, a contrast to the tension in her body.]
[She stops dead in her tracks. It takes her a moment to lower her hands, but when she does, she squints at Steph like she didn't quite hear her. There's no uncertainty in her response.]
[The tension drops from her body like a bag of stones, and she sits, crossed legged on the carpet.
Anger has made a mess of everything, she needs to keep her calm.]
To scare her. There are two sides to Jesse, and you've only seen one of them, the kindness, but I've seen the other side, the part of Jesse that hurts people and enjoys it.
[Max was right.]
I don't feel safe around him. I don't think anyone is safe around him.
[She keeps her personal space, but sitting is a good idea, so she sits.]
I can't see it.
[Not when she's thinking about their flour fight, or the way he talked about his kid, or the way he dealt with Peace, like it came naturally to him. But bile burns in her belly. She doesn't want to think about this. Jesse isn't some sick fuck that gets off on pain.]
I can't see him even joking about that.
[Not the guy who was so uncomfortable about having a gun around her.
But maybe David was good with kids too. Ellie didn't know.]
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controlledvariable) wrote2014-02-02 07:59 pm
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always, you're at the cafeteria?
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text - > action
[She takes a second to get dressed, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.
She hasn't really slept recently, so takes a detour to the bathrooms to splash her face, trying to waking herself up, and then she appears at the entrance to the cafeteria, walking in and looking for Ellie.]
action 4ever
As it is, she's got her elbows on the table and one giant pancake sitting on a plate. Ellie doesn't have the patience to make individual, smaller pancakes, so it seems like she just made one thick, pan-sized pancake. It's a bit crispy on the edges, but she thinks it's cooked well enough to eat.]
Hey.
[She lifts a hand to wave Steph over.]
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She sits down right next to Ellie, and doesn't pause before wrapping her arms around her, pressing her lips to Ellie's hair.]
Hey, kiddo.
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How are you doing?
[She leans into the hug and kiss, but she's been feeling sluggish ever since Tess was sent away. There's a weight to her movements. It's easier to bark on the network than it is to take a walk around the base nowadays.]
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[It's a surprisingly genuine question; she knows that Ellie has her own shit going on, and she doesn't want to put any more on her.
But she doesn't want to lie, either.]
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[She doesn't mind. When it comes to emotions and feelings and stuff, all Ellie can really do is listen--and listening gives her things to focus on that aren't herself.]
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[She sighs, resting her cheek against Ellie's hair, the pancake going ignored for the moment.]
Everything that could go wrong has go wrong, and I don't think most of it can be fixed. [a beat, and even more quietly:] Can I ask you to do something for me?
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What is it?
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[Not after seeing him in that room, not after what Saul told her.]
He's dangerous, he's hurt people who don't deserve it - I'm not talking about the mutineers - and I love him, but I don't trust him, not anymore. I know you can handle yourself, and I'm not gonna make you do anything, but I'm asking you to be careful, to take care of yourself.
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Don't tell me you're buying into all that shit on the network. I talked to him, and he seemed fine--he was worrying about me getting into trouble.
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[She can't tell him about Sonya, that isn't her information to share, but:]
I went to see him when he was first locked up, and he wasn't okay, Ellie. He could barely tell an enemy from a friend, he thought everyone was against him, and I honestly believe that if he'd been released, he would have killed someone. I don't want you to get caught up in any of this.
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He's a sucker for kids. [It's easy to tell. She heard him talk about Brock, saw him with Stan and Peace, knew he tried to keep bad shit away from her.] If he was as psycho as everyone seems to wanna believe, I'm pretty sure he could have shot me earlier. But he didn't. He hid the fucking gun, remember?
Besides, I doubt they'd let me see him while he's locked up. Since I'm a kid.
[She's assuming Steph's warning is just for now. And that maybe Jesse will only be locked up just for now.]
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I'm talking about forever, Ellie. I want you to stay away from Jesse as long as he's here.
[Not as long as Ellie is here; she doesn't want to think about Ellie going back to her own world.
She pulls away and turns to face Ellie, meeting her gaze.]
The Jesse you know isn't the same man that's locked up in there right now, and I don't know if he's ever coming back. And this isn't about whether it's right to lock him up, that's not for us to decide. He'll be evaluated by a psychologist soon, and a decision will be made to protect both him, and the rest of the Transport population.
What I'm asking you is that regardless of what happens, you keep your distance.
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This is bullshit! What the fuck is he going to do to me?
[He certainly sounded like the same guy she knows. Maybe a little scared, but who could blame him? He still looked out for her. Asked her to fly under the radar. Things she could agree with.]
I think he did the right thing, taking powers from those assholes. If someone can't be trusted with a loaded gun, they shouldn't have it. He didn't want to kill them. You know what? I would have.
[This is so fucking absurd to her. Ellie shoves her chair back to stand.]
Joel's pretty fucked up too, Steph. I think he'd agree with what Jesse did. [Maybe, maybe. Maybe she shouldn't bring him up in this conversation, but she can't help it when she's so mad.] Should I stay away from him? Maybe just never leave my goddamn room? Huh?
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[And with a hand on Ellie's arm, they're out of the cafeteria and in the VR room. She moves to the control panel and quickly calls up the one familiar place she keeps coming back to: her home.
It's a little shabby, a little old, but clean and - it's a home, in a way that a lot of places aren't.]
I'm telling you this in confidence, Ellie, because I want you to understand where I'm coming from. [She moves close again, but crouches down so she's not looming too much.] This isn't about Jesse taking someone's powers, it's about the things that Jesse is capable of. When I went in there, he was talking about getting out and killing everyone, about exacting his revenge. Jesse is insane, he's unstable and he doesn't have a very strong grip on reality. Joel is none of those things.
[She can say that much with confidence; Joel might be fucked up, but he's a good man.]
When Jesse's like this, he'll do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and I know most of the time he's good to you, but I don't know if that would stay the same when he's like this, and I don't want to risk it.
[A breath, shaky, and she leans back, pushing a hand through her hair.]
I won't be going near him, either. Not alone.
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Ellie jerks her arm away from Steph and keeps her distance. That's not happening again. Their setting only gets a brief glance before she's crossing her arms over her chest, looking exactly like the stubborn teenager she is.]
Anyone is capable of almost anything. Give Joel good reason, and he'd do it, too. So would I. I don't think that's a good measure of sanity. Neither is talk. I could talk about killing people, doesn't mean I'm crazy. It would mean I'm pissed.
[Ellie drops her arms to pace, fingers pressing into her eyes.]
Fuck, you're supposed to be his friend! Even I see how messed up it is that one of the few people trying to stick up for him is a fourteen year old girl that's known him for--what, four months? Do you honestly think this shit is going to help him? Christ.
[Not that Ellie thinks she herself is capable of helping any, but she's not going to be afraid of Jesse.]
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Right now she's the opposite of that.
It's a sharp sort of stillness, tension in the lines of her shoulders and the way he's pressing her fingers into her thigh, trying to keep herself calm. She won't - can't - snap at Ellie, no matter how frustrated she is, no matter how much Ellie yells at her.
This isn't working, she should have just been honest from the beginning. She can do this without bringing Sonya into it. She hates that she'll have to talk about this with Ellie, but at the same time she knows Ellie isn't a little kid, hasn't been immune from this shit.]
Would Joel threaten to rape a woman?
[Her voice is flat, almost hollow, a contrast to the tension in her body.]
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No.
[Where are you going with this, Steph?]
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Then again, she didn't think Jesse would, either, and she was wrong there.]
Jesse did.
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Ellie's shaking her head before she can imagine a weight over her and hands around her neck. Nightmares aren't allowed while she's awake.]
No. No way. Why would he do that?
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Anger has made a mess of everything, she needs to keep her calm.]
To scare her. There are two sides to Jesse, and you've only seen one of them, the kindness, but I've seen the other side, the part of Jesse that hurts people and enjoys it.
[Max was right.]
I don't feel safe around him. I don't think anyone is safe around him.
This is why I'm asking you to be careful.
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I can't see it.
[Not when she's thinking about their flour fight, or the way he talked about his kid, or the way he dealt with Peace, like it came naturally to him. But bile burns in her belly. She doesn't want to think about this. Jesse isn't some sick fuck that gets off on pain.]
I can't see him even joking about that.
[Not the guy who was so uncomfortable about having a gun around her.
But maybe David was good with kids too. Ellie didn't know.]
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[And there's something gentle in her tone, with that.]
I trusted him, I fell asleep in his arms, I loved him, but he did what he did, and nothing can change that.
[She sighs, pushing a hand through her hair as she tries to figure out what to say next.]
Jesse isn't well, and I want him to get better, but right now I need to prioritize the safety of the people I love. Do you understand?
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much mutiny. very progressive
NOOOO /shoves uisbdgiudgsibsd
I'm sorry I couldn't resist
so doge
shibe intensifies
laughing isn't allowed during this thread
it's the only way I can get through it
doge and booze. so sorrow much drink
now I'm just imagining a drunk shiba
shiba with a hangover
lucille bluth as a shiba
yes i approve
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